tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49771415333138209592024-03-19T02:22:32.431-07:00the ultrasuede conspiracyOnce upon a time, I went head-to-head with a truck. It was a draw. And once in a while, I almost make sense.Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-84479510331883227912014-03-08T18:40:00.000-08:002014-03-08T18:40:55.643-08:00Saturday Night in Tartarus.You know when you're hungry but can't be bothered to eat, so you just let yourself get sick? That's how I feel right now.<br /><br />I haven't been this deep in the pit in a while; hell, I don't think that I've been in this part of the pit, ever. It's a very barren place, and I'm all alone in it. I'm alone in everyday situations, because I feel alienated from everyday people, which is fine and all, but there comes a point when you alienate yourself from your friends, and that's when things get pretty grungy.<br />
<br />
At best, I am useful to others. I go to work, I fulfill customer's needs, I don't dick around, I don't get any comebacks that I screw up... but I don't get any comebacks that I do well either. I strive to express myself, providing a fairly well thought-out podcast every week, for which I strive to be creative and pull some interesting sounds and color... for which I get no comebacks. No feed-backs as to how good or bad, or just okay, nothing. Just fucking nothing.<br />
<br />
I have struggled to write, I have struggled to make myself write for months, years, but I keep getting smothered by the voice that says "why bother?" After all, why should anybody give a damn... I try to be a caring man, providing to the needs of my loved ones, but I don't seem to provide what is wanted.<br /><br />I feel a poison coursing through my veins, one that could be easy to look for a physical cause, maybe some sort of viral illness, but one that I know is more a poison of the spirit. I have kept that poison in check for a long time, first with laughter, then with anger, but anger doesn't suffice anymore. the poison now feeds on the anger, and all I feel is tired, so fucking tired.<br />
<br />
I feel like I should reach out to friends, but I feel like I'd impose on them, who have their own problems, and after all, shouldn't I be able to deal with this myself? I have taken the poison pill of prideful self-sufficiency to it's logical conclusion. I should be angry at myself for this sort of foolishness, but I've become too tired, too apathetic, too hungry to be bothered anymore.<br />
<br />
What now? I ask this question, spoken into the void and the darkness. I do not really expect an answer.Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-40107622463516504842013-03-31T22:00:00.001-07:002013-03-31T22:00:14.822-07:00The rule of thirdsI've been a pretty lazy bastard. All winter, hell, much longer than that, I've been feeding myself, living in comfort with next to zero exercise. I can always find convenient excuses to not change a damn thin too: no money, no time, other things to do. But really, I spend quite a bit of time just looking for things to occupy the shriveled nut that serves as my brain.<br />
<br />
Computer games for instance. I have about ten st up right now, most of which go unplayed, simply because I always get taken in by the latest one. I gotta say, Funcom's The Secret World is pretty damn addictive. It really packs a lot of meat for little junkies like me.<br />
<br />
But I have to take a break from that. I need to get my ass in gear. Get going.<br />
<br />
It took some time and doing, but I'm finally getting to join a class. I have an escrima school just by the metro, so I have little excuses not to join, especially since that my biggest impediment debts, has been addressed. Sure, the schedule is not the best (call centers do that) but the teacher is accommodating. So I'll be signing up this week, and I'll have to get myself into shape ASAP if I don't want to get my ass kicked. So the bike is getting tuned up and set up so that I have even less excuses.<br />
<br />
So that's two thirds: working out and escrima. I also want to get back to learning languages, one way or another. I have something of a knack for it, so I should stop wasting time and do it.<br />
<br />
The three goals fr the coming year:<br />
<br />
1- Proficiency in escrima<br />
2- Getting in good enough shape that I can reasonably attend martial arts seminars with no shame (and lose a few belt knotches in the bargain)<br />
3- Proficiency in one new language.<br />
<br />
It's doable, heck, even modest a far as expectations.<br />
<br />
And to get my ass in gear, a first challenge: no alcohol for six weeks. I want to see what impact it'll have on my health. I'll take it from there.<br />
<br />
Here's a video of what escrima entails:<br />
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<br />Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-90410328388373951982013-03-31T21:35:00.002-07:002013-03-31T21:35:44.334-07:00Sorta like renfair...<br />
So last Monday I decided to play along the medieval/folk sound, because I haven't touched it much and I used to be big into that. This is what got played.<br />
<br />
this mortal coil - song to the siren<br />
coco rosie - gallows<br />
corvus corax - ballade de mercy<br />
faun - andro<br />
anastasia - na rekah vavilonskih<br />
rome - der wolfsmantel<br />
derniere volonte - la joie devant la mort<br />
unwoman - written in red<br />
voltaire - ex-lover's lover<br />
swans - love will save you<br />
nick cave and the bad seeds - henry lee<br />
andromeda complex - la chevelure<br />
sol invictus - the killing tide<br />
mick harvey - demon alcohol<br />
michael gira - michael's white hands<br />
johnny cash - personal jesus<br />
the tiger lillies - beat me<br />
bauhaus - hope<br />
<br />
Yeah, it was a thing.<br />
Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-14916586407351862092013-03-24T21:56:00.000-07:002013-03-24T21:56:13.631-07:00Everybody's got a planI have been having technological issues for a few months now. As a matter of fact, this has been going on since I upgraded to the desktop from the lap top, specifically for hardware and graphic performance. With all the bells and whistles, one thing that computer makers have been conveniently ignoring is sound over graphics.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It makes sense, when you get right down to it; after all, once that you've got 3D Surround, that shit is covered, right? Time to make the picture pop out! Fine if you play games (which I do,) but a bit of a hassle if you also play with sounds (which I also do.) There are features beyond "I can hear the world around me" that can be pretty important.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Like being able to record sounds that your computer generate without resorting to external cables.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I found that tech forums are useless on the subject, since that it does't feature into their numbers and performance fetish. I had to go to the source, that is, sound card makers to get the answer I needed. See, its a weird thing, but the on-board sound card on the laptop is capable of pulling that little trick off, but my performance-superior desktop isn't.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Thankfully, the folks over at Creative Labs quickly came to my assistance, not only telling me the name of that feature (What U Hear) on their tech software, but the list of products that carried that feature. A quick trip to Tiger Direct, and by the end of the week (UPS willing) I'll have that little snag fixed.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It sounds like a small thing; after all, I do own several computers, and I could well have the wires set up to do this. But it's wasteful, a pain in the ass, and is not only impeding my podcasting, it's preventing me from doing music. It's something of a pain if both your recording prog, sequence, synth and guitar amp are the same machine, but can't share the same card to blend it all together.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Yeah, yeah, I know, it's a lame excuse to justify not doing something, but hey, one less excuse, is a win... right?</div>
Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-42668398617019915332013-03-20T20:49:00.001-07:002013-03-20T20:54:05.467-07:00Is it spring yet?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Alright, so the Ides of March are trying to squeeze the last bit of annoyance out of it's lemons into my eyes, but with some perseverance, I'm pushing through. There's probably a lesson there.<br />
<br />
Guru Dan Inosanto is visiting for a seminar in a few weeks, but I'll have to skip, simply because I am way out of shape and would rather not embarrass myself when I will attend his teachings. I also want to be able to comfortably afford it, so it'll have to be for next time, after I shed some lazy padding and attend classes regularly. Soon!<br />
<br />
This week's show wasn't too depressing, but I'm definitely on a rock bend. Then again, when the tunes are good, go with what stirs the blood, eh?<br />
<br />
<br />
BAUHAUS - DARK ENTRIES<br />
AUSGANG - CRAWLING THE WALLS<br />
EVERY NEW DEAD GHOST - SHE'S WALKING<br />
SWANS - CELEBRITY LIFESTYLE<br />
ANIMAL BODIES - HEAVY HANDS<br />
BATBONER - DTHRCK<br />
EAT YOUR MAKE-UP - VEGAN HYENA<br />
PINK TURNS BLUE - WALKING ON BOTH SIDES<br />
BATS IN THE BELFRY - DIE AUS DEM SCHATTEN SPRINGEN<br />
DYSTOPIAN SOCIETY - THE CITY WITH NO NAME<br />
DREADFUL SHADOWS - NEW DAY<br />
RE LORRY YELLOW LORRY - MONKEY'S ON JUICE<br />
ANGELS OF LIBERTY - DEAD TORMENTED<br />
ANKST - RISE<br />
HORROR VACUI - I LIKE IT WHEN A SOLDIER DIES<br />
EUROSHIMA - SONRISA FABRICADAS<br />
ALIEN SEX FIEND - EAT! EAT! EAT! (AN EYE FOR AN EYE)<br />
BURNING IMAGE - THE SACRED SOULS<br />
NOVOCAINE MAUSOLEUM - NIGHT<br />
CHANTS OF MALDOROR - CRUEL, WITH US<br />
LADY BESERY'S GARDEN - ANDY WARHOL<br />
BLACK TAPE FOR A BLUE GIRL - THE PLEASURE IN THE PAIN<br />
TONES ON TAIL - PERFORMANCEMartin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-56401430959461724402013-03-14T07:04:00.001-07:002013-03-14T07:04:39.363-07:00Back from the deep and into the fire<br />
So after last week's bit of depression and so forth, I decided that this week, I'd shake some of those March winter blues and get stomping. This week's set is pretty heavy on the drums and bass, without any drum-and-bass.<br />
<br />
the chameleons uk - dont fall<br />
dead skeletons - yama<br />
inkubus sukkubus - heartbeat of the earth<br />
rosenkopf - troth<br />
angels of liberty - girl under the water<br />
soror dolorosa - 43'<br />
13th chime - cursed<br />
every new dead ghost - hunters<br />
miguel and the living dead - batcave<br />
deadchovsky - alcool<br />
hysteria - love thine enemy<br />
fangs on fur - blood on the sand<br />
skeletal family - lies<br />
sex gang children - sebastiane<br />
christ vs warhol - the end is nigh<br />
dekoder - sanity<br />
alaric - tribute<br />
dystopian society - dystopian society<br />
mizar - vo mojot son<br />
derniere volonte - toujours<br />
chelsea wolfe - advice and vices<br />
Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-64714235904987048962013-03-08T23:41:00.000-08:002013-03-08T23:41:05.737-08:00Ides of MarchMarch is a bad time for me, go figure. Might be that cabin fever is setting in bad, might be that I'm long overdue for a proper vacation, sometime out of my skin and mind.<br />
<br />
That being said, this last couple of weeks have been putting me in a bad space and I decided to exorcise some of the poison out with last Monday's playlist.<br />
<br />
To get in the right mood, get some bad lighting, remember some of your screw-ups and other failures, drink some vodka and have a one-man mosh pit in your basement. Yeah, it's one of those:<br />
<br />
<br />
kraftwerk - metropolis<br />
fad gadget - insecticide<br />
black marble - msq no-extra<br />
esplendor geometrico - unidas de control<br />
dive - final report<br />
dark day - no, nothing, never<br />
suicide - ghost rider<br />
the kvb - 8 hours<br />
no more - suicide commando<br />
tommi stumpff - helden sterben<br />
haus arafna - heart beats blood flows<br />
blitzkrieg baby - your happy place<br />
makina girgir - alpha<br />
in trance 95 - shapes in a new geometry<br />
nine circles - twilight stars<br />
depeche mode - the things you said<br />
coil - tainted love<br />
<br />
Low-key, minimal electronics, with a last minute addition of Suicide, because you're not in a dark mood if you're not craving some Suicide, and some closure by Coil. Hey, we all get those days. Maybe the weekend will bring some more positive tidings and I'll post a more joyful set on next Monday, but don't hold your breath.<br />
Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-32665826577356082512013-03-03T17:18:00.000-08:002013-03-03T17:18:00.230-08:00A heart in darknessI'm in something of a bad place right now, and it's not the first time. What's particular is the timing; late winter and early spring have been emotionally and psychologically trying times for me in the last few years. The first instance that I came bring to mind was when I damaged my back. I had been on worker's compensation for well over a year at that time, and was waiting for the agency to deliver their verdict, after therapy was stopped because I was starting to regress. It took a long time for them to answer, and their answer was to return to work, everything's fine. AKA fuck you.<br />
<br />
At that time, I had only had work experience in physical labor, and it was what I had assumed would be able to do, previous experience and all. It was a very bad time, since that I couldn't actually return to my old job, and I was rather wary of pursuing such employment, which all led to me living on my own with zero income for a few months. It was tricky to say the least.<br />
<br />
This led me to apply for call center jobs, first as a telemarketer (and what a glorious failure that was), then as a customer service peon. sadly, this was the best salary I had ever had. I was being paid more money answering the phone than lifting the heavy things and other blue-collar activities ever had.<br />
<br />
This time the damage was psycho-emotional; after a few years, I was hit with a severe depression. My only advantage in that dark time was that I wasn't physically self-destructive; that was a double-edge sword, because while I did not internalize my anger, I externalized it, towards whatever happened to be near when the mood shifted dangerously. I never lashed out physically, but that didn't mean that I didn't strike fear into my partner.<br />
<br />
I got mostly over my depression and returned to work, taking a break from the office to return to physical labor of sort. And I needed that vacation, to get back to a proper head space. The biggest trouble with office work is that lack of tangible result. You can work your ass off all day and all week, and at the end of it all, you have to start all over again, with little tangible result to show. With physical labor, at the end of the day, you have a shelf stocked, dishes washed, inventory moved from the truck to the warehouse, a deck built. It's real, it's tangible, it's undeniable. With office work, it's all about numbers and perception ans status.<br />
<br />
I hit another low last year at about this time. Sleep issues that were work related. I had returned to call centers, in a different field, but ending with the same sort of dangerous environment; play the game, fake off, be hungry, the games that money and status demands. I was never big on those, so they got to me eventually. I did not enjoy the work, but was somewhat addicted to the newfound status of now being officially middle-class for the first time that I needed to get help to find a way out. So I took a month's vacation, an sent out exploratory tendrils.<br />
<br />
So I moved on; same field, better environment. Less of a rat race, improved salary and benefits, the works. And yet, troubles returned to haunt me and mine.<br />
<br />
While I could say that it's not just me, and that it quite likely has an impact on me, I am surrounded with friends and acquaintances trying to plow through problems after problems, many of which are medicated, whether the meds are being taken or not. And throughout all of this, I have yet to address the anger issue. Oh, I had said I would, a few months back. But when you give yourself time to think about it, you find good, rational reasons to not do it.<br />
<br />
Until you snap again.<br />
<br />
Like I did yesterday. So I didn't wait. This time, I made the phone call, and I will force myself to not ignore the need and deal with the shark in the living room.<br />
<br />
Deal with the shark, or it will deal with you. With extreme prejudice.Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-68612551105956853322013-02-28T21:22:00.003-08:002013-02-28T21:22:52.235-08:00The procrastinatorWell, this week I was supposed to do my podcast along the theme of "the man in black" tribute. On paper, a good idea, in practice, a pain in the butt. Especially given my terrible tendency to put the set list together on Sunday night, to be delivered before I hit the sack, which usually means three AM.<br />
<br />
Overall, a pretty dumb move. Its a two-part thing, really; on one hand, I like to keep it fresh, so the set list I put out is as close to the feeling of the moment as I can make it without doing it live, on the other hand, I'm a procrastinator. I keep delaying doing anything, no matter how small, or trivial, or how much of a benefit I'd get from it. Like a full night of sleep before starting the work week.<br />
<br />
Anyways, enough bitching and recriminations, here's the playlist for this week's show:<br />
<br />
<br />
those poor bastards - i walk the line<br />
the cramps - big black witchcraft rock<br />
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scarlet and the zombie spiders - zombie werewolf<br />
christ vs warhol - cross of lorraine<br />
the sisters of mercy - walk away<br />
alien sex fiend - i walk the line<br />
sex gang children - sebastiane<br />
imaginary steps - when i'm gone<br />
flowers for agatha - the common enemy<br />
miranda sex garden - peep show<br />
red lorry yellow lorry - he's read<br />
joy division - interzone<br />
christian death - sleepwalk<br />
skeletal family - she cries alone<br />
ausgang - crawling the walls<br />
soviet soviet - marksman<br />
a touch of hysteria - non compos mentis<br />
les yeux sans visage - neon lies<br />
decima victima - un hombre solo<br />
the cure - pornography<br />
haus arafna - i did it for you<br />
three winters - atrocities<br />
<br />
Now, there's a couple of notes about this playlist: for one, I opened it with a Johnny Cash cover, which does sort of work with my planned theme. It's also one of the most interesting cover versions of any sort I've heard. Second, waiting till the last moment to do things means that I'm rushed and don't pay attention to little details, like spelling. I realized that I had made several spelling errors, which I find a little embarrassing, but that's being a writer wannabe for you.<br />
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Tune in to the show next Monday, where I'll be spinning it back towards electronics. Maybe. I'll see how the mood goes.<br />
Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-21290298707889449212013-02-21T21:48:00.003-08:002013-02-21T21:48:39.297-08:00Man-whore<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-76634845958742139072013-02-21T21:37:00.001-08:002013-02-21T21:37:48.093-08:00Another week, another playlist<br />
Okay, so this week was something more of a regular week, so there was no theme. However, I felt rather strongly towards a more standard rock band lineup and sound, so it was another drum-and-guitar set.<br />
<br />
young marble giants - credit in the straight world<br />
cranes - reach (live)<br />
christian death - this glass house<br />
alien sex fiend - now I'm feeling zombified<br />
red lorry yellow lorry - hand on heart<br />
danse society - danse/move<br />
she past away - sanri<br />
skeleton hands - dotted lines<br />
cold showers - bc<br />
belgrado - in my head<br />
pink turns blue - walking on both sides<br />
fangs on fur - new coats<br />
the cure - the hanging garden<br />
bauhaus - the man with x-ray eyes<br />
the cramps - human fly<br />
balaam and the angel - two into one<br />
clan of ximox - muscoviet mosquito<br />
the royal family and the poor feat peter hook - voices<br />
death in june - she said destroy<br />
coil - heartworms<br />
<br />
Next Tuesday, it's <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/236356373168142/">International Man in Black Day</a>, celebrating the influence and legacy to a pair of true american rebels, Bill Hicks and Johnny Cash, so this will be the theme for the show. Wait to hear what I'll do with that.<br />
Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-6887355542468896802013-02-11T23:18:00.002-08:002013-02-11T23:21:44.550-08:00Ladies' nightI've been DJying on and off for quite some time now. I've done my own promotion too, and did I ever learn some valuable lessons there (don't trust club owners is pretty much at the top.)<br />
<br />
After my last gig fizzed out, opening the evening at Burning Mondays, I sort of fell off the wagon. Well, it's not so much that I fell off the wagon, as the scene and it's inhabitants preferred to all just the "hard noise" (or something like that) bandwagon, leaving any sort of rock variants in the dustbin. It's a bummer, especially since this town used to mean something, but that was a long time ago, and it's only been going steadily downhill.<br />
<br />
One way or another, I've always been fairly eclectic in my musical tastes, which have been strongly influenced by the many DJs, whether in clubs or on the radio I have tuned to. I liked this idea that a good club night was not restricted to a single niche market; for one thing, it's a recipe for rapid failure, and this sort of elitism only appeals to a small crew of sycophants, who will abandon ship as soon as the new cool, elite thing comes along. It's not my game.<br />
<br />
I had been playing with the idea of podcasting, or streaming a setlist on the internet for many years now, but never got around to it. It was mostly excuses, or the lack of motivation that stalled me. A friend of mine, Nikki, had been doing her show for a while online, and it turns out that a spot opened on the station that hosted her gig, The Katalepsia show. Now, I felt a little out of my depth at first, but I jumped in with both feet, and overall, I'm pretty happy with what I'm making.<br />
<br />
I have some fun doing the occasional themed show, if the timing makes it relevant. I've done Hallow'een, Rememberance day, X-mass, New Years, and this week, it's Valentine's day, which due to the timing and general circumstances, I decided to drop the whole Hallmarks thing in favor of something more interesting: Ladies' Night. Here's the setlist, for your enjoyment and comments:<br />
<br />
<br />
p j harvey - to bring you my love<br />
nick cave and the bad seeds - loverman<br />
bat for lashes - what's a girl to do<br />
zola jesus - night<br />
coi - windowpane<br />
fad gaget - lady shave<br />
kraftwerk - das model<br />
new order - blue monday<br />
the sisters of mercy - lucretia<br />
pop will eat itself - wise up! sucker<br />
x-ray specs - oh! bondage up yours!<br />
bikini kill - rebel girl<br />
shonen knife - she's the one<br />
the cramps - what's inside a girl?<br />
siouxie and the banshees - christine<br />
bauhaus - she's in parties<br />
trisomie 21 - the last song<br />
vast - touched<br />
joy division - she's lost control<br />
the gun club - she's like heroin to me<br />
voltaire - ex lover's lover<br />
this mortal coil - song to the siren<br />
<br />
I'm on <a href="http://www.radiozombie.spruz.com/">Radio Zombie, running a show called Bloody Monday</a>. You can stream or download the podcast, and it's free, so why not tune in?Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4977141533313820959.post-5246589551726924182013-02-11T22:08:00.002-08:002013-02-11T22:08:32.580-08:00An opening<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitJK-m80enlyFcHSEx0WGmMrJ5Vj38kIT6ucErOI1C8YZu2KldSjUfWi7903ahHQ8D04ntDhEHhR5YrPSc9eN3ZXxfaIQiQVEid3iM9lkNXndlAp9TJcfggapdhyn7ZqhonymZuRKPhUE/s1600/2013-02-12+00.18.23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="380" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitJK-m80enlyFcHSEx0WGmMrJ5Vj38kIT6ucErOI1C8YZu2KldSjUfWi7903ahHQ8D04ntDhEHhR5YrPSc9eN3ZXxfaIQiQVEid3iM9lkNXndlAp9TJcfggapdhyn7ZqhonymZuRKPhUE/s640/2013-02-12+00.18.23.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How to open a new chapter: food porn.<br />This is what I call shepherd's pie.</td></tr>
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<br />Martin Rougehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16840492099133107294noreply@blogger.com0